The Goose Girl Pt. 1

This story comes from the Grimm Brothers fairy tales. My personal sarcastic remarks will be in italics. 

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful Princess loved by her mother the queen. She was super pretty and stuff, really loved by her mother and the people. Because of course. So the Princess was engaged to a far off prince since she born. And the time came that she needed to go marry him.

Her mother sent her off with golden this and that- jewels, cups, you name it, she has it. And a waiting-maid because she is a princess after all. Now there is no mention that anyone else went them. No knights, no servant- how are they traveling basically alone through foreign territory. How does no one see this as a problem?

Now the mother sent her daughter off with a lock of her hair. Theoretically, it’s a charm that can help her somewhere down the road. Oh, and she sent her off with a talking horse named Falada. How can the horse talk? Why is she the first character in this story with a name? Who knows. And off they went.

As people do need water to survive, at some point during the journey, the Princess wanted a drink of water from the stream. She asked her Waiting-maid to use her gold chalice to get her some to drink. And the Waiting-maid said,

“Get it yourself.” Yup, quality service here. Who vetted this girl? 

And the frightened Princess, coward, got off her horse and didn’t even bother with the chalice. She just stuck her head into the water. This happened twice on their journey.  And the second time, out came her mother’s lock of hair. Because she put in between her boobs. Like all that gold and silver and she didn’t even spring for a locket. And the hair said, yes, the hair talks,

“Alas! alas! if thy mother knew it, sadly, sadly her heart would rue it.”

At this point, the Waiting-maid realized the Princess was in her power. Because the hair apparently was magical and protected the Princess?? It’s not clear. By the end of the journey, the Princess had switched clothes and horses with the Waiting-maid. The servant girl threatened to kill the Princess should she reveal her true identity as they set off towards the Prince’s castle.

Here’s where Falada comes in- she saw the entire exchange. Which is why the Waiting-maid was greeted like the Princess as the Prince’s castle, she promptly ordered to have Falada killed. She’s one smart cookie that way.  She told the King that her beautiful companion was just a servant she kept as company on her journey- he should give her some kind of job. I mean she’s an equal opportunity villain, I guess. 

Now the Princess didn’t just sit there quietly and do what she was told. She asked they cut off the head of dear Falada and hang her up on the gate near where she worked. Remind me not to be this girl’s friend. And like, really? This is what you do? You are the Princess- do something! 

The King didn’t actually have a job for the Princess, but he figured she could help his guy who herds his geese. Because every kingdom has a geese guy. Duh. So she became the meek, humble, and gentle Goose Girl. Obviously, those were the important things. Go on, stay a Goose Girl because at least you are meek and humble. 

So apparently the Princess didn’t mind the goose herding too much. Sure the pay was probably minimal and her standard of living went way down- but the Waiting Maid wasn’t going to kill her. And I am lead to the conclusion that the Waiting Maid must have been a ninja or something to make her so afraid. The only real downside was Curdken- the goose boy.

Why does Curdken have a name? Why does the talking horse have a name? Why doesn’t the freaking main character of this story have a name besides Princess? We will never know. 

Now chances are Curdken was not much good at anything if his only job in the entire world was herding the King’s geese. Personally, I always imagined him having a short and wide build, dull blond hair that covers his eyes in that kind of bowl cut look, freckles, and teeth ever too slightly large for his mouth. But to each his own.

The other reason that Curdken was probably given the job goose boy was to keep him out of trouble with normal human beings. Like it might actually be a pretty adept job description for him once we get to this next part.

When the Princess would wait for the geese to you know- run around, eat, do whatever it is geese do- she’d comb her hair. I get it, she’s bored, she let down her waving locks of hair, “which were all of pure gold.” And Curdken saw this, his first reaction was to run over to her and try to pull out some of her hair. The guy’s a creep. 

So you want to know what happens next?? Stay tuned for Part 2 in a couple days!



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s